Forcing Myself

Posted on March 31, 2012 by caregiver1995

The sleep thing still isn’t working. I hurt all night therefore, didn’t sleep. Maybe one day it will all work out and I will be able to sleep again.

I forced myself go outside. It was a beautiful spring day but I didn’t want to do anything (nor did I feel like it) but things need to be done around here. Nothing got done that actually needed to be done but I cleaned up the yellow-jacket traps and refilled them then put out the Hummingbird feeders. The interesting little creatures hadn’t crossed my mind this year until a neighbor called to ask if I had seen any yet. Then I washed a spare litter box I plan to give to Daddy’s Nurse for the new kitty she will be getting for her little girl.

It was so quiet around here today. I could hear a mower in the distance and the birds singing. I’m not sure a car even passed by. Very unusual but oh so nice. Everyone must have been at Barber’s Motorsports Park for the Indy Race (which I won tickets to but gave away – just not my thing) or in Tuscaloosa to watch the Blue Angels fly (I would have enjoyed that once upon a time).

I don’t want to get out of the house. I don’t want to be around people. Can I just lock myself away?

Dear Lord, please help me. I just want to hide from everyone. Can I do that please? Will You please allow me to be self-sufficient in my own little world? In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

About caregiver1995

Thanks for stopping by my latest blog. My name is Gwen. I was married in 1976 after I graduated from high school. We lived all over the southeast and finally settled back in the suburbs of Birmingham, AL in 1980. (We moved 15 times in 15 years; most of those moves were within the first five years.) In 1996, we ended our 20 year marriage - almost to the day - then I became a caregiver to both of my parents. The time I had with them before the Lord took them home was so precious to me and I wouldn't take anything for. He called Mom home in 1997 only 2 months after the divorce and when I needed her the most. That was a hard thing to get over but I had to so I could take care of my Daddy until he joined the love of his life in 2012. I have one son and three beautiful grandchildren. Even though I rarely see them now, they are my world. I love everything about Christmas; the lights, the smells, the movies, the music, and most of all the reason we celebrate this season - Jesus Christ. I can't imagine what life would be like without Him and I know I wouldn't make it through my journey without Him.
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2 Responses to Forcing Myself

  1. Margaret says:
    March 31, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    It’s ok Gwen. It will be a couple months like this. But u can ask your dr for something to sleep. Also try melatonin, at the dolar general in herb section. I take two every night. It’s normal to close up within yourself right now. I still do as much as family will allow. We are both grieving.

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